Presumably to distract from how quickly Kim Kardashian’s bullshit facade falls apart under the slightest scrutiny, Kourtney Kardashian hooked up with Justin Bieber over the weekend in case everyone forgot that’s something that they do. The important thing is this all went down while Scott Disick was in Dubai as Kim’s emotional support pet, so at least we know this went down when he got back yesterday.
“Oh, good, you’re home. I had sex with Justin Bieber while you were gone.”
“That’s nice. Have you seen my velvet sweatpants?”
“Do you even care?”
“Of course I care. They’re my favorite sweatpants! Now, seriously, where are they? This whole wandering around like I’m going to kill myself thing is really working for me. I finally found something I’m good at.”
“You’re right, you really are trying. Wanna get me pregnant for the 25th time?”
“Sure, whatever. Wait a minute, Kourtney, where are the kids?”
“I dunno. Someone has them or something. Who knows?”
“Makes sense. — Oh, shit, you’re serious about having sex right now?”
America’s royalty, folks.