When is it ok to say NO? It is always ok to say no, and that’s regardless of what is being asked and by whom. I don’t mean saying NO, and then give an explanation as to why your answer was NO. Just saying NO as your response is more than enough. Explaining yourself as an adult is just too much when giving NO for an answer. I would rather a person just go mute, instead of lying about why you can’t accommodate the person’s request. I know, the world is sensitive and being raw and straightforward is frowned upon, but it’s needed to get answer understood. These lies that are being given as explanations as to why you can’t grant their request, are considered “little white lies”. These “little white lies” eventually turn into “HUGE white lies” that are hard to keep up with. Even if your explanation is truth, don’t use it as an excuse if your answer would have been no without the explanation. Those little white lies are detrimental to your growth. “The truth shall set you free.”
Lying is Comfortable.
Person 1. “Do you think you can help me move out of my current apartment into my new apartment this Saturday?”.
Person 2. “No, I’m sorry, but I have to work that day, but I wish I could give you a helping hand.”
The dialogue between person 1 and 2 is an example of person 2 lying about working on Saturday. Person 2 does not have to work Saturday, and in fact has no plans for that day except one, and that’s not helping person 2 move into their new apartment. Why is lying the first result and so comforting? It’s the first result because person 2 cares more about persons 1 perception of him/her instead of just telling the truth. “The truth hurts”, is a very true statement but in fact it not only hurts the receiver but also the giver. Most people don’t want to be labeled mean, an asshole, or selfish. Reputation has always been of greater societal value than character. Character is self-perception and reputation, is society’s perception of you, and of course society wins every time.
Lying is a character killer that was given to us by our parents/guardians. We are lying to protect our reputation, even if our intentions aren’t to hurt the person asking. Our brains are made to protect us from harm, hurt, and pain always. Pain is inevitable for growth, and I mean good pain. Good pain is disappointment, heartbreak, failing, and working out. You don’t want good pain to be a constant occurrence, but if it’s out of your hands then you must accept it and keep going. Telling the truth to a friend or family member will have some pain involved mentally. All fear comes from others and our reputation being damaged is at the top of the fear pyramid. Caring how others feel and what they think has become priority over our feelings and thoughts.
Establishing the NO
You are the most important person in your life, and that’s the case if you have children or a spouse. Always tell the truth and be honest with yourself first and never lie. Telling the truth is liberating and should be a staple in your character. Just try and say NO to something that you don’t want to be part of. If there is an explanation that you choose to give for saying no, make sure it’s “because I said no”. I know I know, how can a person be so mean. This is just honesty, and honesty has been coupled with being mean or selfish. Lying has become so prominent that it’s accepted over honesty. Lying is always the first thought and choice when facing an uncomfortable topic.
You can break this terrible habit by adopting a great tool in life. This tool is called “Not giving a f#*k”. This tool is amazing and will grant great liberation to your value of life. Now scream FREEDOM loudly as if you were William Wallace strapped to a table awaiting your decapitation, like the scene from the movie "Braveheart". Your “not giving a f#*k” tool is now activated. You will have to practice saying no, with total disregard for the feelings of the person asking. You will place your character on a pedestal and not give a f#*k about your reputation. This tool will cause some damage and you may lose some people from using it, but that comes with growth. The people lost are not your concern and shouldn’t deter you from using your tool for the betterment of yourself. People that respect and genuinely love you will not stray from your honesty. You will feel guilty, but your job isn’t to please everyone, but it’s to please yourself. If you aren’t in great shape mentally and physically, how can you be of any assistance to anyone else. Saying NO is only for things that you don’t want to do, and not to be used maliciously to hurt others purposely.
Written By: Ronald Anthony Wilson