So That’s Why Kourtney Wants Scott Disick Back, Neat

Yesterday, we learned that despite the fact that Justin Bieber bangs her like he’s ordering Chinese food, Kourtney Kardashian still wants Scott Disick. This makes no sense considering Scott’s been moping through life as the soulless husk of a man forever linked to the Kardashian family rightfully should. Then these pics of his giant dick hit the internet. You may think I’m going for the obvious “Kourtney loves that giant frowning leg hammer” joke right now, but I’m not. I actually consider this a teachable moment, so if you’ve got kids, go ahead and read this next part to them. Just like how the fame, wealth, and a meat rocket Kris Jenner conjured with the souls of her vanquished enemies can’t make Scott happy, neither can a job where you get to work from home in your pajamas. No, I didn’t deal with traffic and have to smell a coworkers tuna salad lunch today, but I did spend more time than any human being ever should on a photo like this, making sure that the center of my crop tool was positioned perfectly on the penis of a guy who’s famous for knocking up a girl who’s famous because her sister had sex on video. I guess what I’m saying is learn a trade, kids. I hear electricians make bank, and trust me, college is way overrated. You’ll have plenty of time to get shitfaced with your friends on your boat when you retire at 50. Goddammit…

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