Bo Bice might be that guy who lost to Carrie Underwood on American Idol season whatever, but on Friday December 30, he became another senseless victim unfairly oppressed by the wafting stench of racism that’s been plaguing white Americans since… the mid-2000s maybe? I dunno. And it all started with some Popeye’s Chicken.
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Former American Idol finalist Bo Bice isn’t happy after he said a Popeye’s employee said a racial comment to him last Friday at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.
“The three ladies behind the counter asked whose food it was,” Bo Bice told FOX 5 exclusively. “Just when I turned around, one of them said ‘that white boy.’”
The husband and father of four said the incident was shocking.
As if being called “that white boy” wasn’t already a dehumaning experience of unparalleled misfortune, the employees proceeded to refer to Bo as “Bow-Bow, Boo-Boo,” and God help us, “Bo-Bo.” These names were a further aggression from young African-American fast food employees who’ve lorded their power over everyday white folk for far too long, and dammit, Bo Bice wasn’t going to take it. And so like any man worth his grit, he left a post on Popeye’s Facebook page and became a beacon of justice in an unjust world.
Until Facebook deleted his post.
With eyes wide open now, and his jaw locked in determination, Bo Bice began his crusade and fired the first shot of a new revolution that would finally unshackle the white man from the grinding boot of reverse-racism even though that’s not really a thing, but just go with it.
My post about the racist behavior at Popeyes Louisiana Kitchen #4625 received over 45,000 reached, 800 likes, 250…
FOR BO BICE IS A VENGEFUL GOD AND THOU HAVE UNLEASHED HIS FURY, YOU COMMUNIST TOOL OF THE DEVIL!
Remarkably, Bo has not deleted his Facebook page – I’m sure he’ll get to it. – but what he did do is find a local Fox affiliate (No way.) who let him cry on camera about this obviously very emotional and jarring experience. Except, plot twist, that’s not really why Bo Bice, White Champion was crying, you guys. He was crying because he bought a black girl a teddy bear for Christmas and just remembered it. Oh, and by the way, her father/grandfather? (Wait, what?) A veteran. FACE.
I began to cry and got emotional because I told a story of buying a build-a-bear for a young girl for Christmas this year in Birmingham who was black. Her Father/Grandfather was a Veteran and I wanted to secretly do something nice for them for the holidays. He sacrifice so much for our country and I wanted to do something small to thanks him. I got emotional telling that story because I never looked at the color of their skin, I saw a little girl who was getting her 1st build-a-bear, that’s special, I wanted to treat her to something for Christmas. I got emotional over telling that story, not crying because I was called “White Boy”.
By now you’re probably wondering, “Holy fuck, when does this story end? Please kill me,” and your heart’s in the right place because that’s how this tragic tale ends: With a whole lot of heart. Via Bo Bice’s Facebook page that’s somehow still active. Did you hear about the communism? All over the place.
Mrs. Edith Hunter the manager at the Popeye’s ATL Airport was helpful and kind throughout this unfortunate experience…
Yes, Bo Bice, this truly is a learning experience for America. And that lesson is if you’re slightly, just barely famous, you can make everyone listen to that time a fast food worker experienced a moment of levity at your name and bend the will of an entire corporation until it gently tongues your anus and says, “Fear not, oh good and faithful white boy, for we shall remind these young Negro workers of their place, and you may buy your chicken with your head held high. Amen.”
In related news, in an effort to appease President-Elect Trump, Republican Senators have called an emergency session to put Bo Bice’s face on the dollar bill. The president-elect was reportedly touched, but not really, and mostly wanted to know who’s interrupting his tweeting. They are his enemy now.