5 Baffling Movie Scenes That Make Sense With An Explanation

5

Batman Leaving In

The Dark Knight Rises

As someone with an internet connection in 2008, I believe that it’s safe to say that the end of The Dark Knight excited some people. Before, Batman movies had ended on obvious notes, usually involving Batman running straight into the fucking camera. But The Dark Knight‘s ending was slightly murkier. Yeah, dude’s a hero, but he’s wanted by the police for murders that he didn’t commit. What will that give us in the sequel? A movie where Batman is on the run? Two and a half hours of Batman just clotheslining SWAT teams? Forums were ablaze with all the ways that it could go, and 90 percent of those ways shoved a Johnny Depp Riddler into the plot.


2008 was a different time. A very different time.

And then we finally got The Dark Knight Rises, and it was a lot of moping. Bruce Wayne mopes around his house, and then when he has his back broken, he mopes around at the bottom of a pit for a while. And when he finally returns to Gotham, he mopes around the city while people shout the story’s themes at each other. And then he quits being Batman totally, and let’s Robin-But-Not-Quite-Robin-Because-Robin’s-Totally-Lame take over. People responded to this as if Batman himself had come to their house and sold crack to their sons. “BATMAN WOULDN’T DO THAT! BATMAN WOULDN’T QUIT. BATMAN WOULDN’T MOPE. BATMAN FIGHTS FOREVER, BECAUSE, UMM, BATMAN.”

Warner Bros. Pictures
Batman was never more relatable to me than when he locked himself in his room and grew depression facial hair.

And I would totally agree with you. The only problem is that I watched the two movies that came before it, and they kind of tell a different story.

Heath Ledger’s Joker is hypnotic. The best time to rob me is when I’m watching The Dark Knight. “Mind if I steal your laptop?” “Yeah, sure, whatever. Scar story is coming. Shhh.” But in between Ledger zig-zagging through that movie like a clown-faced pinball, there’s a lot of stuff about Batman not really wanting to be Batman anymore. And you don’t just infer this from all of his frowny reactions to crimefighting. He outright tells Rachel, who is with another guy, “I feel like this Batman thing is going well enough that I can maybe quit it pretty soon. And then we can hook up.” So we already establish Bruce Wayne as a guy who will throw his costume in a dumpster at the slightest whiff of a lady telling him that maybe they should go out after this superhero shit expires.

Warner Bros. Pictures
“So you’d give up on the whole ‘AVENGE MY PARENTS’ plan to sleep with me? That’s a little desperate.”

Him being a little iffy about this whole Batman thing and then appearing at the end of Rises at a cafe with kindred spirit Catwoman isn’t a sudden reversal of character. He and the side characters of Gotham city can go on and on about “enduring” or something, but even Batman said, “IT’S WHAT I DO THAT DEFINES ME. SHIT, NINJAS.” And what the Dark Knight does is fight crime until he feels sad or a lady gives him an option to make out some more.

4

Peter Parker Dancing In

Spider-Man 3

In Spider-Man 3, Peter Parker gets the alien suit. And while it makes him stronger, faster, and less visible for night photography, it also accentuates all of his negative traits. He becomes more jealous, more angry, and more callous in his relationships. And lastly and most importantly, it makes him get down.


When Stan Lee invented him in 1962, THIS is definitely what he had in mind.

I previously wrote that Spider-Man 3 isn’t bad as much as it’s just not good in the slightest. And reminding myself of the two impromptu dance sequences in the movie (a number that almost ties with Jack Nicholson’s record in Batman) didn’t change my opinion. This is for two reasons: 1) As much as it pains me to say it, I get it, and 2) It fits the character.

I get it because, as a dumb nerd, I understand doing things that were way cooler in my head. It happened with every date and every dance and every nervous conversation that I ever had in middle school, high school, and college. Hell, it happens now. It’s not on the scale of how it used to be, when I dreamed of impressing everyone at the pool party by knowing every word to Will Smith’s “Switch.” But whenever I go somewhere that involves dancing, before I resign myself to the fact that I will shimmy side to side for the evening, I think, “Man, when I get out on that floor, I am gonna surely know some moves.”

Columbia Pictures
That moment, just before I realize that I don’t know any moves.

And when I say it fits the character, don’t take that to mean that it fits the movie. Director Sam Raimi is a certainly gifted, but if you want to tell the story of a man giving into his darkest urges and then battling back against them to emerge mentally and morally stronger, it’s not a great idea to illustrate that with multiple minutes of the Maguire Two-Step. Maybe some misguided finger guns and some littering, along with the standard “URGH. I can kick the bad guys EVEN HARDER.” But adding in that much dancing only tells the audience “I am sorry, but this movie is rapidly spinning out of my control.”

Peter Parker’s first big action in this trilogy was trying to buy a car to win over a girl, and he never really improved beyond that level of emotional maturity. At the end of Spider-Man, he tells Mary Jane that they can only be friends, and by the beginning of the next fucking movie, he’s super sad that she won’t date him. Finally, at the end of Spider-Man 2, Mary Jane runs away from her own goddamn wedding to be with him, and he responds by staring at her for a while.

Columbia Pictures
“Umm, yes. Thank you for being here. Umm. I am Peter. Umm. What? Umm.”

The idea that he’s some wish fulfillment character who would be above idiotic dance moves at all times is flawed, because it’s an evil suit that draws out his darkest impulses. And deep down in his nerdy little heart, he still wants to be the biggest hit at prom.

http://www.cracked.com

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