Because we’re apparently going to talk about Mariah Carey’s New Year’s Eve trainwreck until we die, a new rumor is floating around that she was high as hell thanks to spending the week before the show shopping at a top shelf pot shop in Aspen. Except now I’m going to get way too many comments about how weed would’ve made Mariah’s performance better because if more people put it in their kids’ backpacks as a snack, there’d be no more cancer and Bernie would’ve, like, totally won the election. Totally.
Of course, there’s another theory about what went wrong with Mariah, and it’s that she’s washed up and can’t sing anymore, which is what Jenny McCarthy is going with. Via FOX News:
“The truth of the matter is, Mariah didn’t do a sound check, she said it there. She did whatever you would call like a dance move rehearsal, holding her gold microphone, and she stood off to the side of the stage while she had a stand-in do a sound check. Now, when you’re doing a show live in Times Square, this is a location that’s tough. Out of all the places that you’re going to need to do a sound check, you do it there.”
McCarthy hypothesized as to what could have been the real reason for the performance debacle.
“Now I think, and if I try to give a guess of what happened, I think Mariah was nervous as hell. I think she chose really tough songs to try to sing along with. I think ‘Emotions,’ that song, I mean her voice is not there anymore. I don’t believe there was a problem with her inner ears. I just don’t. I think she used it as an excuse. The monitors on the stage are there, by the way, to blast out the songs to the musician in case this happens.”
Once again, the former Playmate gave her eyewitness account.
“How do I know the monitors were blasting? Look at the dancers behind her! They were on cue for every beat, right? Every beat! So, I was like, ‘You can hear it.’ She’s choosing not to see it.”
The problem here is that the source is Jenny McCarthy, and nobody should ever listen to a thing Jenny McCarthy says ever. In fact, just by posting her words, I probably just killed a whole bunch of kids with scarlet fever or some sort of disease from The Oregon Trail that wasn’t a problem anymore until she opened her stupid face. Oh God, what have I done?!