I Can’t Stop: Living With An Addiction To Child Porn

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Overall, We Don’t Know Much About Child Porn, Addiction, And Pedophilia

Sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to examine the root cause of it. But in this case, the root cause is massively depressing and examining it makes you want to die.

“People often ask me why I watched child porn,” Charlie says. “And honestly, I never have a good answer for that. Because there is none. Do I tell them, ‘Well, when I was 12 years old and learning about sex, I found child pornography, which eventually got so interwoven with my sexuality that I couldn’t escape from it, even when I desperately wanted to, and to make matters worse, when I finally realized I needed help, I couldn’t go to anyone for fear of going to prison, which eventually just perpetuated the cycle that I had found myself in, until I inevitably get arrested and went to prison anyways’? No, I can’t tell them that.”

Because it’s too much to dump on somebody, for one. And for two, all of Charlie’s friends are fearsome grammar pedants, and would not tolerate the run-on sentence.

FrankieMea/iStock
Yes, a grammar joke. This topic has kind of sprained our “Wakka wakka!” reflex.

As of now, Charlie is keeping his affliction in check. “I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life that I am not looking at child porn, and I feel great. My life is looking up. I’m not depressed, and I don’t hate myself as much as I used to.” But like with any addiction, it’s still on his mind, and will probably be there forever. “I know that if I looked at it again, even once, then I’d be on the fast track to prison, and I’d go through the same cycle over again.”

Devonyu/iStock
That’s sort of a thing with addiction.

Will this be enough to make Charlie stop watching child porn for good, or is it already too late for him? Are your kids in danger of ending up like him? Science says: “We … have no idea. And this feels gross to talk about. How about lasers instead? Pew pew, zap!”

Charlie is just a man trying to make up for some of the wrongs he’s done in his life. He hopes that his experiences might inspire someone to get help if they find themselves in the same situation that he was in. If you do find yourself in a similar situation; then please. Get Help. If you are a parent and are worried about protecting your child online, here’s a link with some information on how to keep your children safe online.

Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at c.j.strusiewicz@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter.

For more insider perspectives, check out 5 Ways We Misunderstand Pedophilia (That Makes It Worse) and 5 Things I Learned Infiltrating Deep Web Child Molesters.

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